I don’t think that I am adulting correctly. One would think by mid 40s that I had some adult things figured out, but I really feel like I am missing the mark and running behind. (I’ve always felt this way and kind of lived this way as well. I mean waiting to get married until late 30s is not an Arkansas thing to do. They really like if you get married then get divorced, so they will feel better about judging you, and this should be done at least by your late 20s. I touched on this in Asleep while Living as well. I digress.)
Walking my dog around our neighborhood, I feel like we are the house and the folks that don’t belong. I wonder if our neighbors look at us like we are the bad neighbors. And really, I think we may be.
Our gutters aren’t cleaned on any consistent basis. We don’t do landscape. I will garden but that is mostly veggies and marigolds, but if the foliage gets a little wild looking we don’t mind. Our yard is the only thing cut consistently but we don’t fertilize or really deal with weeds. We haven’t power washed our deck, driveway, or sidewalk, and I’m sure this was to be done like years ago.
I don’t really do great decorating either. It isn’t that I don’t want things to look better, but by the time I decide on one pillow. I am spent and the rest is too overwhelming. I still feel like I am on college furniture and throw rugs. I look at other people’s homes and think, so this is an adult house. I mean, we have a wine rack and real wine glasses. Right?
I feel perpetually behind on everything, and I don’t have small children that I am chasing around to blame for any of it. I walked by our neighbors who we have a solid hello and smile relationship with. Walking our little dog, “hey how are you.” Nothing. They took out their trash, and we walked on by. I felt like, man what did we do or not do now. I’m sure there is an obvious adult thing I am supposed to be aware of but clearly, clearly don’t know.
Even the young couple across the street with two young and adorable kids, two dogs, and a camper seem like they have it together. They have lighting as part of their landscape, shelves in their garage, and no leaves on their lawn, gutters are clean and no dead trees in their yard. I just saw him out the other day in winter no less power washing something. What?
There are books about the “how to” of adulting, but I feel like maybe I should have written these by my age not need to read them. Perhaps I am falling to the trap of comparison and need to just focus more on my circle and not worry so much about how badly I may be doing to the outside world. My inner circle of family and friends think I am okay-most of the time. They aren’t scared of coming over to our home, so it must be tolerable, somewhat.
It is hard enough in any decade this adulting thing. Maybe it is doing no harm even if your gutters do need cleaning.