Asleep while Living

Embrace your story. Own your journey.  We all hear the catch phrases of truth or read them every day on social media.  It speaks to our soul. Then we try  to live the simple phrase each and every day and here is the difficulty– Do we really know our story or our journey?

At 47, I certainly didn’t think I would have it all figured out, but I thought maybe I would be in a grown up job with a grown up position and title. I would have a grown up salary, and I would feel like me and know my journey, but…

No. I work part time as an Autism Support Coach at a university. My title is shared with graduate students who are all in their 20’s just starting their journey. This job is not the destination, but a side road to get there. Here I am working it like it is the main road.  I make very little an hour, no benefits, no holiday pay, vacation, or biggest scare at this stage, no retirement.  Nothing grown up or remarkable about the situation in measurable terms. This is not what I pictured nor where I think I should be. I wonder if I am brave enough to do something else.

I love the job I get to do every day. I work with a population on campus that is remarkable and unique and reminds me of the small victories each day that will go unnoticed. For however simple and small my job is, I do it well. Then I chastise myself that I should do it well because I have done it for 5 years and it isn’t rocket science.

Perspective: I try and cheer myself up by saying I left two perfectly good full time jobs. One for marriage and moving and the other for spiritual/philosophical reasons.  I questions myself all the time for the choices.  I was able to spend a lot of time taking care of my grandmother after my dad died because of my job choices.  Time that I hold dear and would hate myself now if I didn’t do what I did.  My small life seems uncomplicated, but I question that there has to be more.

So, in this new search I am starting to read The Road back to You. I am hoping to figure out the road and path I need to be on, and I hear that starts with having an understanding of self.

The introduction of the book is the simple of why we want to start the seeking. We will all have triggers, reasons and seasons why. I do think it is about waking up and not living on autopilot as Cron writes. He also quotes Thomas Merton: “Sooner or later we must distinguish between what we are not and what we are. We must accept the fact that we are not what we would like to be. We must cast off our false, exterior self like the cheap and showy garment that it is. We must find our real self, in all its elemental poverty, but also in its great and very simple dignity: created to be the child of God, and capable of loving with something of God’s own sincerity and unselfishness.” So that isn’t heavy at all.

There was a long prayer on the end of this introduction, I won’t give another long quote, but I will give the line that I loved, “May you realize the shape of your soul is unique, that you have a special destiny here, that behind the façade of life there is something beautiful and eternal happening.”

The book has set itself up with an intellectual approach to find the spiritual.  I like the realistic idea Cron gives that this isn’t an end all or be all item, but it is very useful. “Life hands us a challenging syllabus. We need all the help we can get.”  Amen ya’ll.  So it begins…










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