So despite the ridiculously warm weather that we have been having here in Northwest Arkansas for October and now November, I sit here with a cold. Sniffles. My head feels like it weighs 100 lbs. My body feels like it weighs 1000 lbs, but that is not the cold.
The warm and sunny weather seems so out of place and has done nothing to improve my mood. I guess it is just life.
We also called the Hogs. If you don’t know what this is, check it out. She was a life-long Razorback fan. It was a beautiful warm day and filled with happy memories. I did not find closure with the Ceremony; I think it was because I was the main person who saw her every week. I knew her friends at Apple Blossom and knew when she needed lipstick and orange juice. I try not be sad and miss her because she would not want that, but it seems to come out of nowhere.
So with grief comes just getting through the day to day, my husband had emergency gallbladder surgery and then the recovery. Then just to be the fly that won’t stop buzzing at you, getting estimates for house work and getting workers to show up has been remarkably difficult.
They may or may not call back, okay. But when they say, yes we’ll be there and do that for this amount and then nothing and nothing.
Sniffle. So I have to go back to my previous study and remind myself: Live loved.
I am blessed. Life is an ongoing benediction even with colds, death, surgery, and annoying little things. We are here and can experience this. The powerful play goes on, and we may contribute a verse. I don’t want my verse to be all whiny. So I find joy, I embrace that I sneeze like Will Ferrell in a SNL skit. I embrace that my dad and my grandmother would want me to live despite the sniffles. I will still be annoyed with bad business, but rejoice when someone finally, finally does a good job.
From Living Loved: This morning driving to work, I was blessed with the sighting of 2 young deer. They ambled across the road in the foggy morning. I have never seen deer on this road. In my myopic world, I took this as a promise from God. “Your fears, your angst, your desires are known to me. Things will come. I will provide. I promise. I know what I’m doing.” My slang thought of “I got you” came to mind. I hope that I practice that feeling every day and recall when I am feeling especially rejected next time that I am not forgotten. Don’t be afraid. You are set aside.